Insanity: Milk Pair
by GreyInnocence
Summary: In a galaxy far away, on a harlmess little planet called Earth, friendly neighborhood mad scientist Inui Sadaharu sets out to court the prince of the land of Seigaku. A series of SciFi themed InuRyo drabbles. The first in our Insanity series.
1. 1: Robot Doubles

A/N: Hello all, and welcome! Katie of Grey Innocence here to welcome you all to our Insanity challenge. Over the next couple years (yes, YEARS), we're going to be working on this, a 200-prompt challenge that will be posted over a series of stories centering around one pairing each. This one, obviously, will be Milk Pair, and each one will have a theme associated with it. Milk Pair's theme is SciFi. There will be ten drabbles for each pairing.

We will be updating Mondays and Thursdays. Mondays will be my drabbles, and Thursdays will be Scarlet's. Enjoy!

Insanity: Milk Pair

One: "Robot Doubles"

Ryoma clears his throat.

"Oh, Echizen," Inui says, grinning. "Excellent. I was just going to come find you."

"Is this why you brought home all that scrap metal last week?" Ryoma asks. He looks uncertainly at the four vaguely human shaped hunks of metal somehow moving about on his and Inui's home tennis court, holding rackets in their hands and slamming a ball back and forth.

"What exactly," Ryoma says, then stops. "On second thought, I don't think I want to know."

"No, no, listen. They're robots."

"I can see that."

"_Listen. _They're robots that are programmed to act how we would act in a doubles match. The two on the left—" Inui points— "are us."

Ryoma squints. He thinks he can tell which is which. Inui's is, after all, rather gratuitously taller than his own, and he thinks that protrusion from his forehead must be his hat. Inui's looks like someone put building blocks over its eyes. The glasses, then.

"And the other two?"

"You can't tell?" Inui says, frowning.

Ryoma squints again. He thinks maybe the one near the front is supposed to have hair that flips out. "Oishi-senpai and Eiji-senpai."

"Yes! So you see," Inui says excitedly, "it's a simulated tennis match. It provides me with data without having to actually play them. This way more of our training time can be spent on tactics that will work against the Golden Pair, _and _we'll be able to use those tactics without ruining the element of surprise."

"There are so many things wrong with your logic I can't even begin to explain them to you, so I'm not going to." Ryoma tugs his cap down over his eyes. "I'm going to call Momo-senpai and hope he's being more sane than you today."

"Sixteen percent chance," Inui says.


	2. 2: Aliens made them do it

A/N: This is one of those pairings that it's fine to do one drabble on a whim…but actually sitting down with the intent to write them is hard. They are strange.

Disclaimer: Not I, said the cat.

Insanity: Milk Pair

Two: "Aliens made them do it"

"Why are we doing this?" Ryoma glares at his shoes. They are obnoxiously reflective and pinch his toes together.

Inui pushes his glasses up. He had wanted to wear contacts today. No one would be able to see his eyes in any of the pictures. "Well, it _was_ your idea."

"No." Ryoma turns to look at him, obviously appalled that such a notion had even crossed Inui's mind. "No, it was not."

"Then why are we doing this?"

"That's what I asked you."

They stand there for a moment, frowning at each other in confusion over their predicament.

"We can't return these…" Ryoma gestures at the tuxedos they are wearing. "Can we?"

"No."

It's Eiji who pops his head into the room a split second later. "Oi! Your cue was two minutes ago! Do you want to get married or not!"


	3. 3: Mind Reading

A/N: Well I'm off to a great start posting these on time. I even had this one finished and just completely forgot to post it. In my defense, I found out today I get to see Darren Criss on Broadway and it has consumed my mind all day. So.

Insanity: Milk Pair

Two: Mind Reading

"You're thinking that I'm crazy."

"Too easy."

"Now you're thinking I'm trying to trick you. Which doesn't make sense, Echizen, I'm hardly a practical joker." Inui pauses. "Now you're thinking 'Bullshit.'"

"Look, Inui-senpai, you can tell me what I'm thinking as many times as you want, but I'm not going to believe you've developed psychic powers overnight." Ryoma stands and grabs his racket from where it's leaning against the bench. "Come on, let's play a couple sets."

"Echizen, I'm serious!"

"How dumb do you think I am?" Ryoma cocks an eyebrow. "Maybe you could get this to work with Eiji-senpai, but I'm pretty sure I'm perfectly, creepily aware of your vast knowledge of how my mind works. Seriously, get on the court."

"You're thinking about that time in the club room showers!" Inui calls after Ryoma, who shakes his head without looking back.

"Try harder!"

"But I really can…" Inui sighs. "Oh well. Maybe he'll believe me after I've anticipated all the new techniques he'll undoubtedly have come up with since yesterday. Perhaps I'll even beat him for once."

In the end, Inui doesn't win, and Ryoma still doesn't believe him.


	4. 4: BodyGender Switch

A/N: …You can blame literally anything on Inui. I am convinced.

Disclaimer: Not I, said the cat

Insanity: Milk Pair

Four: "Body/Gender Switch"

"When you said you wanted kids I thought you mean we were going to look into _adoption_ you _ass_!"

Inui dodged the tennis ball that came flying at his head.

"But you look quite stunning this way," Inui said quickly, dodging another ball.

"I look like a _girl_!" Ryoma shouted.

"Well, that's because you are. You see, last night when you were asleep—"

Ryoma hissed, "I don't _care_ what you did! Just change. Me. Back!"

"Well, I see the hormonal changes haven't entirely settled down yet." Inui laughed a little. He didn't see what was so bad about this anyway. Ryoma made a very attractive girl. Short and cute, with big eyes and a nice figure… Besides, this way, they wouldn't have to go through the messy adoption process.

"No, they haven't, and that means until you've fixed this you have to do everything I tell you to."

"Why?"

Ryoma smirked. "Because if you don't I'll _cry_."

"Oh…"

"You still have a lot to learn, Inui-sempai."


	5. 5: Surprise Pregnancy

Insanity: Milk Pair

Five: Surprise Pregnancy

"You _what?_"

"I have _revolutionized _medicine, Echizen! We'll make _millions _once I've tested it on humans—"

"I don't care about that right now!" Ryoma snaps. "I care about what you've done to my cat!"

"He's fine," Inui says patiently. "I've given him a thorough physical examination, and he appears to be perfectly healthy."

Ryoma glares at him. "What part of this is healthy to you? You've been doing _experiments _on _my cat _for God knows how long—"

"Echizen—"

"Who's the other cat? Is he going to be around? I expect child support—"

"Echizen." Inui plants his hands firmly on Ryoma's shoulders. "You are becoming hysterical. Cats cannot pay child support."

"Bring Karupin to me _right now. _I'm taking him and I'm staying at my dad's for a few days. I can't be around you right now."

"But I have to monitor Karupin's health."

Ryoma lets out a frustrated yell and storms into their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Inui sighs, then looks down as he feels Karupin brush past his legs.

"Honestly. You're excited for your kittens, aren't you, Karupin?" Inui pats his head.

Karupin hisses, swipes his claws across Inui's hand, and shoots down the hall to the bedroom door.

—

A/N: Well, it's a surprise for Ryoma, anyway. And Karupin.


	6. 6: Disease

A/N: We only have another week before Katie and I have you go back to school. Ugh.

Disclaimer: Not I, said the cat

Insanity: Milk Pair

Six: "Disease"

Inui was leaning against the outside of his boyfriend's doorframe. Echizen was sleeping, buried beneath blankets, pillow piled around his head. Karupin laid at his owner's side, staring straight at Inui. His tail flipped agitatedly. He would never know why the little Himalayan cat hated him so much. After all, Kaidoh seemed to like him well enough.

He pushed the door open quietly and padded across the room to Ryoma's bed. Now that he was closer he could see Ryoma was pale— save for his cheeks, which he thought might match Kikumaru's hair. There was the sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his breathing was a bit labored.

"Echizen?" He put a hand on the lump where Ryoma's shoulder was hiding under the comforter.

Dazed eyes opened, narrowing immediately. "Get out of my bedroom, Inui-sempai."

"But I just wanted—"

"Get out!" He coughed. "It's your fault I have this disease or whatever!"

"But—"

"Out! And if you ever try to make me drink Inui Juice nine point six four two remix special delight whatever again…" He glared, letting Inui fill in the rest of the threatening statement.

Inui left sulkily. "It was just a Special Echizen Love remix…."


	7. 7: Sex Pollen

Insanity: Milk Pair

Seven: Sex Pollen

"INUI-SENPAI!"

Inui nearly jumped out of his skin as Ryoma barreled into their bedroom, angrily holding up a disc.

"Why did I just find this on your laptop?"

_Oh. _Well, that explained the yelling. "Well, you see—"

"Don't even explain, I don't want to know!"

"But you just—"

"I _just _came to yell at you for _filming Buchou and Fuji-senpai having sex!_"

"Now just _listen,_ Echizen, honestly. I'm developing a new product that I think could really take the market by storm. It's a sort of substance—well, it's quite complicated, but simply put it increases sex drive. Or, well, it's supposed to, but it doesn't seem to be working based on the evidence you hold in your hand."

"First of all, _why _are you developing something like that?"

Inui raised an eyebrow. The answer to that should have been quite obvious.

"Never mind. You're sleeping on the couch. Second, are you really stupid enough to experiment with this on Tezuka-buchou and Fuji-senpai?"

Inui blinked. "Why shouldn't I have?"

Ryoma rolled his eyes. "Because I don't think any substance in the world could increase their sex drive. Do you understand the concept of logic?"

"Oh. You have a valid point."

"I know I do."

"Echizen," Inui called as Ryoma began to retreat down the hallway, "how would you feel about becoming my assistant?"


	8. 8: Out of Body

A/N: Starting next Monday Katie and I will be updating you from our dorm again. :D

Disclaimer: Not I, said the cat.

Insanity: Milk Pair

Eight: "Out of Body"

"Have I ever had an out of body experience….?"

Inui nodded, pencil and notebook ready for Ryoma's answer.

Ryoma glanced at the rest of the team gathered around Ryuuzaki-sensei. "Yes."

"When?" Inui perked up a little, not expecting the freshman to cooperate at all.

"Why does it matter?" He frowned.

"For data."

"My out of body experience has something to do with tennis?" Ryoma was clearly not amused.

"Well, no, but… It would be nice of you to humor me, Echizen."

"During my match with Ryoga. Happy?"

"What happened?"

"I was flying and rainbows pulled my clothes off." His expression hadn't changed.

_Obviously, Echizen is trying to trick me… _Inui snapped his notebook shut. "Thank you, Echizen. That'll be all." He turned on his heel and started towards the rest of the team.

Echizen smirked. "He thinks I was kidding…"


	9. 9: Parallel Universe

A/N: I'm really sorry, guys. This has basically been the longest week of my life. I started classes and my new job on the same day, and I've had class and work and homework and really intense personal shit and… yeah. I'll try harder in the future. Yay for double update day?

Insanity: Milk Pair

Nine: Parallel Universe

"The spleen, Echizen, the spleen."

"I _know,_" Ryoma said again, wrinkling his nose at the tiny rat spleen sitting on the table in front of him. He picked it up and dropped it into the potion, and Inui sighed.

"You can't just _drop _it," Inui said, wiping up a few drops of splattered potion from the table. "Potion making is delicate."

"Whatever," Ryoma grumbled. "I just need to pass."

"And you won't pass if you don't do it correctly. Stir three times clockwise."

"I'm getting you back when I get you on a broomstick."

"I'm quite looking forward to your flying lessons, actually. And I can see numerous advantages to having the whole Quidditch pitch to ourselves." Inui grinned and kissed his cheek. Ryoma flushed.

"Pervert."


	10. 10: Time Travel

A/N: I forgot how much I hate college, guys. School work sucks so hard.

Disclaimer: Not I, said the cat.

Insanity: Milk Pair

Ten: "Time Travel"

"So, you're saying, if I touch this…" He looked at Inui skeptically and pointed to a silver knob amongst the machinery and tubes and wires covering every surface in Inui's bedroom. "I'll travel back in time?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you." He gave Inui an unamused look and touched the silver knob.

"Echizen, don't—"

—

Echizen woke up later and immediately put his hand to his throbbing head. He winced, pulling himself up. He was wearing a blue yukata and laying in a futon on the floor.

"Ha ha, Inui-sempai," he called, looking at the traditional shoji screen walls around him. "This is very elaborate and all, but I'm not falling for it!" He got up and stomped over to the door, tearing the paper. Inui's face was looking back at him.

"Ah, you're awake."

"Uh, yeah, your stupid time travel machine knocked me out."

"What's a time machine?"


End file.
